Happy friday

  Joel learned a new skill the other day.  Jumping into the pool by himself.  He did this the entire swim practice.

  And then he started doing bellyflops and supermans into the pool.  He got really brave and a little less careful than his usual self.  He was having so much fun.  Until he got out too far and he couldn't keep his head above water.  It happened yesterday, it is one of my biggest fears.  I had played this over in my mind so many times.  I do not keep my phone on my person on the chance that I have to jump in.  I've lifeguarded before, I know exactly what to look for.  What would I do with Ava?  Would I yell at someone to grab her as I handed her off?  Would she try to follow me into the pool?  Fortunately, I was right at the edge of the pool when I noticed him trying to bob for a breath and I was in an arm's reach.  I hastily set Ava down by my side (aka threw her down, I actually don't really remember.)  I got on my hands and knees to be able to reach Joel and pull him to the side.  A very nice lady came and swooped up Ava, as I brought crying Joel out of the pool.  After the initial 30 seconds of sobs and some cuddles for both Ava and Joel, everyone calmed down and was okay.  Except me.

  My heart was racing!  In that moment, I wanted to cry.  I was slightly embarrassed, or was I?  I don't know what feeling I had. I kept thinking, did I do something wrong?  I know this is the possibility every time I let Joel swim on his own.  Should I let him do that?  I think more than anything, it was the final straw for me as I am feeling really burned out this week.  Which comes at a REALLY bad time because Mike is gone for a long weekend and I'm home alone.   You have to be "on" all the time, and sometimes I just want to have a moment to be off.  A day would be a dream come true, but I would be happy with a moment.  Combination of having all 4 kids at home last week plus sick Ava earlier this week plus Mike being gone adds up to a lot!

  I was also nervous that all of the courage that Joel built up was going to be lost in that moment.  Thankfully it wasn't!

  I'm so glad it's friday.  It's movie night after swim team and I usually get my moment during that time.  A baby will be crawling on top of me, but that is still better than being lifeguard to your child.

Have a great weekend!