Thursday thoughts

  On tuesday, a man gave me a rose.  Actually, he tucked it in my windshield wiper because I was with Joel and Ava on the way to Target to pick up a prescription for eye drops.  He was standing in the middle of the busy road at a stop light with a sign.  I don't even remember what the sign said, but lately I can't drive by someone in need with offering something.  To his delight, I gave him $5 and he gave me a rose.  It was from the rose bush from the mall property, but it was the thought that counted.  I'm tired of the lie people say and I believe, that you don't know how responsible people are going to be with what you give them.  I mean, is spending $5 in the target dollar aisle very responsible?

    I kind of have a jungle growing near my kitchen sink window.  I love fresh flowers and plants and all of the green.  If I had the time, I probably would have more lined up to look at while I'm at the sink.  Each time I see that rose, I smile.  Flowers do that to me and I thought I would take a picture to blog about what I've been wrestling with lately in my mind.  I finished a book called Interrupted about a month ago and it's one of those books that has changed my outlook on life.  I am only a month out and don't want to speak too soon, but I am praying that it stays changed.  Basically, there are REALLY good things that might not be my end pursuit in this life after all, that is crazy talk.  I've been in contact with a lady about filling backpacks for those getting out of the sex trafficking industry.  Just a 10 minute conversation with her is opening my eyes to a whole new world.  There are actual real struggles being fought locally everywhere and I am not going to sit on the sideline anymore.

  There's also been something else and don't get me wrong I LOVE to look at beautiful things.  I am an artist, beauty sparks creativity for sure!!  But I also have begun to realize that snapshots of my life and other's can be so deceiving.  And often, there is this vain pursuit to get a perfect, idyllic photo at all costs.  Following blogs, instagrammers, glamorous people,  beautiful places, it's tiring!  At what point will I ever be satisfied?  And what is the sacrifice of that perfect image I'm ogling at?  It might be sleep, it might be relationships, and sometimes for me it is joy!  I can only imagine what it is for others.  Zoom in and there is so much cropped out.  Zoom out and what blemishes are you missing?

                 I was taking these photos and my sink was just gross!  Zoom in and push some dishes aside and it looks perfect.  Zoom out and you see reality.  Lunch dishes from your playdate still in the sink, raw chicken thighs on the counter waiting for dinner, dirty rags, DIRTY feet on the counter(!), Ava slurping something off of the counter all up in my business, the list goes on...  I've been done with trying to be perfect all of the time, but I am cutting cords with filling my mind with beautiful food, beautiful people in beautifully windblown clothes in beautiful light, beautiful scenery and buildings all seen through a SCREEN.

  It's not a reality for me and it's not fair to the true beauty that is actually around me.  My beautiful children, even with food mustaches and black feet.  My beautiful yard, even with weeds and sprinkler hoses and overripe fruit all over the ground.  My beautiful health, even with tiredness and sore muscles.  My beautiful full fridge, even with moldy zucchini in one of the drawers.  The list could go on.  I'm missing it when I search for it on a screen.  And when I look back at my life, I don't want to regret missing the things that were right in front of me.